As I reflect over my past three months here I cannot help but feel a wave of emotions. If you had asked me at the start of this crazy journey what I expected, I could easily tell you "I want to make great friends, learn more about myself, and know that I can do it." Looking back on it I have accomplished and learned so much more. However, I did wrongly assume life would kind of just press pause while I lived up this experience. As my wise friend Leah reminded me, life goes on even when you aren't ready for it. Just because I am in a new country doesn't mean bad things won't happen and it definitely doesn't mean the whole time here will be great, because frankly it hasn't been smooth sailing all the time, as much as I wished it would have been. I have to remind myself that without the issues, tears, and sad times, I couldn't grow as a person, learn from my mistakes, and forgive.
However, what I have also learned was to let yourself have the bad times. Everyone is so quick to remind you how much time you have left and to not waste it being upset or stressed...they're wrong. Time can easily ruin this experience, it can prevent you from getting close to people in fear of getting hurt, it can prevent growth, and it can encourage regret. So let yourself be upset, let yourself be stupid and make stupid choices, and let yourself have a day or two of crying because in that moment it may be what you need, not necessarily what you want.
The end of this experience creeps up on you without a lot of warning. I tried so desperately to pretend like it didn't matter and like I was never going to leave but in the end, I leave. I wouldn't have changed anything about this experience for the world. It has made me appreciate home, family and friends. It is so easy to say you want to travel the world but when you are surrounded by people you like and enjoy being with, it makes everything that much more memorable.
I wish I could just wrap a rope around the United States and pull it over to England to make leaving easier. That way I'm not a sea away and I wouldn't really leave. But I believe everything happens for a reason (cliche...I know) and airplanes exist as well as email. The friendships I have made here won't leave just because I do and that's a constant reminder I have to focus on in order to enjoy these last few weeks here at Edge Hill.
I have no clue what is waiting for me in the future but I do know I had no clue this would be something I would have the privilege to experience. So I sit here waiting for the future but enjoying the present.
